Josh ‘Cortex’ Millard, part of the internet’s most moderating moderation team at MetaFilter recent twitterized: “Attention, people of the internet: we are aware that haters gonna hate. Please desist with updates re: haters hating.”

Of course, “haters gonna hate” is one of the most self-definingly stupid catchphrases of the 21st Century so far (and shows promise of making the Top 30 of the entire century, one of the reasons I’m somewhat relieved I won’t be living that long). This kind of turn of phrase is the reason I attempted a few years ago (failing badly) to popularize the acronym UGOTO, standing for “Uncanny Grasp Of The Obvious”, a quote the illustrious sportscaster and put-down artist Howard Cosell used in reference to one of his cliche-spouting colleagues (extra points to Howie that the target of that bon mot was O.J. Simpson, long before he became REALLY famous). “Haters gonna hate” is, at the face of it, a UGOTO.

But of course, nothing that stupid comes without an almost-equally stupid subtext. Since if you are the target of that phrase, the person blathering it is pointing out that you have been caught being hateful and therefore deserve being labeled, above all other identifiers (such as red-headed, systems analyst, diabetic, stamp collector, regular viewer of “CSI” and walks with a limp) as a HATER!

It really does fail rather badly as a put-down, especially since research shows that 98% of the people using it on others are identifiably hate-filled themselves (73% practicing even more Hate than the person they target)*. It’s one of the verbal attacks for which “I am rubber, you are glue” is appropriate in most occasions.

Then again, being a Hater is not such a terrible thing (as long as you also are red-headed, systems analyst, etc.). While it is one of the most destructive human emotional tendencies, it is also one of the most common. Everybody hates. Or maybe 95% of the human race do**. Those few that don’t are either insufferably smug, out of touch with most of reality or spiritually/philosophically/religiously devoted and disciplined enough to be totally irrelevant.

I remember one of the Top 5 Cringeworthy Songs of the 1970′s was all about the same subject, and, like every other song to sell more than a half-dozen 45s during that time, it has a video on YouTube.

Ladies and gentlemen and haters of all ages, I shamefully present Razzy Bailey’s unfortunately immortal recording: “I Hate Hate”. (Be warned: if you can not withstand 3 minutes of uninterrupted preachiness, do NOT click on the YouTube imbed).

If you’re like me (and are old enough), you just relived one of your seven worst moments of the ’70s.

A few years after that misbegotten record came out, I met a guy who, like me, was trying to break into radio whose last name was Hayter, spelled exactly that way but pronounced exactly the same as Hater. That was the worst name for radio I encountered during those years, and I knew other radio guys named Vanbenthuysen and Sakellarides.

Anyway, I admit to being a Hater, but that is no higher than #58 on the list of things I am, right between #57, Bullwinkle fan and #59, user of three pillows when sleeping. It used to rank much higher, but just in the last few years I found it to be a waste of time and energy that could be better used watching Bullwinkle cartoons for the 50th time. It is still not too difficult for something or someone I consider morally reprehensible to make me “get my hate on”, but I no longer hate the merely obnoxious or annoying. I’m kinda proud of that, but I’m not setting any goal to become spiritually/philosophically/religiously devoted and disciplined enough to be totally irrelevant. Especially since I am already totally irrelevant, and you know what? I totally HATE that.

* figures from a study made by somebody whose names I don’t remember
** figure pulled directly out of my ass

In case you didn’t know, due to my Disability, I qualify for Medicare, and, in order to get the ol’ Part D Prescription Coverage, I deal with a “Medicare Advantage” program through SecureHorizons. That plan is now “branded” with the AARP logo for reasons that do me no good since I’m not even old enough to belong to the AARP (but at my next birthday, WHOOPIE!).

Anyway, from time to time, “AARP MedicareComplete form SecureHorizons” feels the need to send me some printed matter with information on services I may or may not be using and may or may not need. Their latest communique has a front cover that prompted a Level 4 WTF?!? from me. Let’s look at it, shall we?

Okay, point number one, it’s obvious that Insurance Companies, especially those doing business with T’e Fed’ral Guv’mint, are going to engage in public displays of Political Correctness, especially in the use of maximum-multi-ethnic clip art. Which usually doesn’t bug me. Of course, when I was a blonde boy the age of the blonde boy in this picture, I didn’t know three people who looked like the other three people in the picture, but that was the 1960s in the San Fernando Valley suburb of L.A. And then it struck me… blonde boy? Asian girl? Mixed-race child of somewhat indeterminate gender? Only the woman with the paintbrush looks anywhere near the age of 99% of the people Medicare Advantage plans apply to, and that’s only if you look closely, because she is certainly trying to look younger. Frankly, I doubt that very many of AARP MedicareComplete from SecureHorizons’ clients ever find themselves in the presence of three kids of any ethnic background unless they are all grandchildren. So that picture just looked not quite right for the intended audience.

Then I looked at the title that was supposed to describe the contents of this communique: Health or wellness or prevention information Or WTF?!? The first time I read it, my eyes skipped over the second ‘or’, just like you can miss short words that are duplicated like this over here –>

Is this information on how to prevent health or wellness? Even with the second ‘or’, it could be interpreted as giving the option for health/wellness prevention. Now, many people may consider it one of the benefits of America’s pseudo-free-market health care industry that they are not forcing health and wellness on us, but that is exactly the kind of thinking that is the mission of this blog to destroy. Then again, if you think that your wellness or illness should be something you make a conscious choice about, I recommend you choose Cancer.

Then again, just looking at this design disaster from a so-called Health Care Provider makes choosing against health somewhat tempting.

As I have noted way too often, I was born the same day teen icon James Dean died, which I suspect resulted in my lifelong lack of a Cause (although I never got the hang of being a Rebel). So when I heard the news that Jimmy Dean had died, I checked my vital signs 37 times over the next 36 hours.

Once semi-reassured I was surviving (as well as I ever do), I noticed that nobody had posted an obit for him at MetaFilter (known for its frequent ‘Obitfilters’ and the practice of comments consisting of a single period “.” to represent a moment of silence) so I did it myself.

Jimmy was best known to Mefites for his brand of sausage, although he sold the company in the ’80s, and was dropped as its spokesman in 2003; its current owner is Sara Lee*. But his musical legacy is sealed by his ‘country rap**’ classic "Big Bad John" (performed live in 2008), often imitated, but never parodied better than with the stereotypical gay hairdresser saga "Big Bruce"*** (info). But to me, he was the guy with the variety show where he spent several minutes every week bantering with the muppet Rowlf****. Here’s Jimmy in Esquire Magazine’s "What I’ve Learned". His final resting place is music-themed, NOT sausage themed. "Here lies one hell of a man."

* Sara Lee’s original namesake is LONG gone but the company recently had a female CEO who is currently on medical leave.
** other MeFites pointed out the formal name for that style of song was “recitation”, but any category of song that includes “Big Bad John”, “A Boy Named Sue” and “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” deserves a cooler name.
*** the Steve Greenberg who did that novelty record was not the same guy who was behind Lipps, Inc. and “Funkytown”, it was oddly appropriate that they had the same name. Another classic Big Bad John parody pointed out by others was “The Ballad of Irving”, but it was more a general satire of folk legend songs.
**** performed by Jim Henson, with Frank Oz giving a hand (literally). The first muppet character to have a regular role in a TV series, ‘Old Brown Ears’ was pivotal in building the brand.

Sexual Congress
is the cleverly titled site which tries to find the most attractive members of the U.S. Congress by having you choose between two official portraits, in the proud tradition (and methodology) of KittenWar * (and PuppyWar *) and Randall Munroe’s late lamented Best, Fairest and Funniest Ever sites. For non-USians, there’s a similar, more subtle, British site.

as seen on MetaFilter

A perfectly cromulent new word: Collapsitarianism. Apparently coined by social critic James Howard Kunstler when he declared "I’ve never been a complete collapsitarian,*" comparing himself to Dmitri Orlov, who uses the term Collapse in his writings – a lot. It failed to be popularized by blogger Kevin Kelly in early 2009 (during the fifteen minutes after Obama’s inauguration when optimism came back; bad timing), who defined it as an umbrella term for a diverse collection of dystopian groups, but specifically the ones looking forward to whatever Collapse they expect. Analyzed by Mother Jones (and semi-rebutted by Dmitri Orlov hmself), the term has even been used by such semi-forward-looking entities as The Tomorrow Museum. The word appears to be due for a comeback (if it has anything to come back to) as the New York Times used it in an article about Peak Oil. Finally, premillenialism for the non-religious!

* not unlike the phenomenon where a phrase is not considered Oxymoronic until someone has written an article loudly declaring that it "is NOT an Oxymoron".

As seen on MetaFilter.